Last Breath

To Hammie the Hamster :

02 May 2005 - 12 March 2007

Having seen through 2 hamster lives, seen his children being given away, touched and played with by so many people.

The last hamster of the family of hundreds.

Your furry paws will always be remembered.

bye bye...... beloved hammie...

Slowly, the wheel turned...
He wasn't as fast as he was six months back....

A soft squeak, he returned back to his nest of dried corn and laid there...

Pick him up slowly he says... I got a last message to tell you...

His body was limp and cold to feel, the humming heart jerked, trying to fuel it for a few more minutes...

Stroking it, you only can wonder what was wrong?

A silent squeak, no sound came out, but the eyes was enough...


The humming heart beats no more.... and you feel the body soften as it expels out its life...

Furry paws tremble for a moment, and stop.


The last hamster... you realize...

and you lay it down in its favourite sand box, seal it up and....

sigh...

What's the best love story you've ever
watched?
[x] My life. (for real - real sad.)


Do u think you're ok?
[x] No...


Song playing at the moment?
[x] Li Sheng Jie - Zui Jing


One song to describe current
relationship?
[x] Corrine May - Walk Away


Accessories you usually wear?
[x] My cross-choker, something around my wrist.


Fav color(s)?
[x] White, Black, Blue, Neon Orange, Green


Ever donated blood?
[x] no...


Last place you went to?
[x] Grand Cathay


Last person u went out with?
[x] Nicky Didi


The most exciting sport?
[x] Waterpolo! hmm... Dragon boating?...


Ever had a permanent tattoo?
[x] Lolz. NO.


Movie u want 2 watch?
[x] That very sad love show that Nicky refused to watch with me yesterday.


Any piercings?
[x] NO.


The most romantic gift?
[x] From my ex... 365 reasons why he loved me so much.... in little tiny paper cranes...
From me... a 1000 piece jigsaw puzzle... with 2 pieces laminated. And... yet to give him back...

Act on stage before?
[x] Yah...


Struck by lightning before?
[x] Lol... almost....


Danced with your loved one before?
[x] ... yeah...


Ever wished you could turn back time?
[x] YES... =/


One song that's meaningful to you?
[x] Richard Marx - Right Here Waiting


Last person you met for the first time?
[x] Last Sat I think... Davids friend, Boon Leng.


What will you be doing tomorrow?
[x] Work... err.. More work...


Ever thought of robbing a bank?
[x] *blink* huh?


One thing you totally regret doing/done?
[x] planting spider330 serieX M1114 into the computer of somebody I loved.


Do people like you?
[x] hmm... I guess so... nobody really has a topic to bitch about me about... so.. yah, I guess thats a good thing.


What was the last game you played
[x] DoTA


The color of your mobile phone?
[x] Silver


The last book you finished reading?
[x] Men's Health?... lolz


The last person who phone-called you?
[x] David.


Message to your loved one?
[x] just... give me your hand....

Pain and Penance

"Do not be afraid of pain. Embrace it, feel it, be hurt by it, and then you will not be afraid of it again..." - Morrie

quoted it from Dominic's msn nick.

Pain... we all need pain, we feel pain, we revile in pain...

We all feel pain on a daily basis, but so many of us don't know... We close our eyes to the hurt, blocking out emotions that should have been there...

We all feel the pain, but after awhile, we get so numb to it, we just feel... nothingness...

Like a murderer who kills his hundredth victim, his senses are numb beyond comprehension. We call him "cold-blooded".

Lets, just call him insensitive.

We do not know these cold blooded individuals, the pain they go through.


no. after awhile, the heart ceases to feel anything anymore...


... no... I will not let my heart grow cold... coz there ARE people out there who love me still....

I'll feel every bit of pain... from every pinstruck bite to a dagger that stabs through my heart.

Then, I'll know... I'll keep reminding myself...

This is how its like to be hurt.

This is how its like to have your heart broken.

This is how the person feels when you give the fallen statement.


I will embrace it, and I will make sure I'll be afraid of it.

Because, I want to make sure that anybody who is with me will never be afraid of it...

... because they will never need to...

under the dark night sky....

BLOG!~~! *phew*

finally I have some time to myself... its fun when everybody keeps calling you out to do stuff, hang out with them, chill out in the cafe and have fun...

but really, you just gotta have some time alone, to pen down your thoughts and sort out all the stuff you have to do, plan your week and spend some quiet time staring into blank space and thinking.... stuff...

... It has been really lonely without Dominic.... sometimes, I wonder if he feels the same way too... looking under the cold, dark, night sky...

I guess he's enjoying that freedom....

But... the vacuum inside me grows... it eats me up like an insatiable monster...

I just... I just want somebody who will really, truly love me...

I just want.... I don't know... somebody like me?...


Its wierd, when you think of it... Falling in love with your own self..
narccisistic in a way.
But I think the ideal boyfriend would be somebody who would have been able to do everything I did...

Able to hold me close, to defend me if ever needed... To silently hold my hand while looking into the night sky...
Send me mushy love messages... Surprise me with funny stuffs... Hold me close to him when I cry...

I don't know... should there even be a criteria?..

All I know is that... If I ever have somebody close again... I'll make him the happiest person alive...

because... I only ask in return what I can give...


I can't ask for the world,
but I know, I can give the world to the person I love...


for now, I just don't want to think... everything is so confusing... 3 people asking me out at one time?

and there's another one that is just so sweet...


... I guess, I'm wanted after all... but my heart is still bleeding really badly, and the vacuum isn't helping either...

I'm so scared I'll just go on the rebound....

I lost my love.... I don't want to lose my close friends too....

Kazakhstan National Anthem. x)

For your personal enjoyment. WAHAHAHA..



Kazakhstan greatest country in the world.

All other countries are run by little girls.

Kazakhstan number one exporter of potassium.

Other countries have inferior potassium.


Kazakhstan home of Tinshein swimming pool.

It’s length thirty meter and width six meter.

Filtration system a marvel to behold.

It remove 80 percent of human solid waste.

Kazakhstan, Kazakhstan you very nice place.

From plains of Tarashek to Northern fence of Jewtown.

Kazakhstan friend of all except Uzbekistan.

They very nosey people with bone in their brain.


Kazakhstan industry best in the world.

We invented toffee and trouser belt.

Kazakhstan’s prostitutes cleanest in the region.

Except of course for Turkmenistan’s


Kazakhstan, Kazakhstan you very nice place.

From plains of Tarashek to Northern fence of Jewtown.

Come grasp the mighty penis of our leader.

From junction with the testes to tip of its face!

Thank You

This post is long, long overdue... but I hope its still not too late to say -

THANKS!!

to all those who were there for me throughout this extremely tough time... frankly, you all were the ones who brought/dragged me through the emotional turmoil....

There were times when I completely wanted to give up... coz, life felt worthless without him by my side...

so. sitting on the kitchen window ledge late at night, 25 storeys above the little toy cars honking below..

... contemplating suicide ...

but NOOOOO... somebody must be messaging me ever 10 seconds, asking me to talk to them, or go out to eat with them tomorrow...

I mean, how can you even have the melancholic mood, essential for suicide when somebody messages you,"Yo! Tmr you want to go Pasta Fresca or Olio to eat?".

or, "waaaayy... kor. my computer is stuck at DOS, what to do ah?"

You feel like slapping them.

but HELL YEAH. these messages tend to snap you back to reality...



years ago, (it seems like a faded memory now), in my pre-previous chapter, I wrote,

"Love gives you wings to fly, to take you to the highest heavens and far beyond the clouds... But when you fall, its a long, long way down, with only your friends to stifle the impact on the cold hard flood... It will be your friends who will be there for you."

I'm really glad that you all are there...

Simon
Haryanto
Jasper
Jeremy
Timothy
David
Flora
Mirantz
Marcus
Kappa
Yushaa
Elina
Phoebe
Crabby
Daniel
Hui Ting
Richard
Xiao Wei
Ren Jin
Richard
Celexter
Max Kor
Alvin Kor
Nicky Didi
Alex Didi
Joanna Mei Mei
Calvin Kor
Yuan Long Didi

The ASH
The SP-AJ peepz
The agape youth
My colleagues
My beloved DMC Classmates
Mirantz and gang
Zhangde peepz
HSS Choir peepz
9C water renegades

God

I doubt I could ever list finish everybody... but I really thank God for all of you...

I promise I'll try to be there for you all if anything happens..



Finally, thank you Dominic... life was great with you. Dreams can disappear, but memories will never fade..
I will always remember the times we spent, for the best.

=)


Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you!

Everyone of you!...

*hugs*

Of Prata, Expensive Teh and *cough* Khazkhstan Greatest County in the World....

Haha.. Yesterday, after the band practice for Irene's Wedding, we went to go and makan at TASVEE (re: *to Gatsby commercial "TASVEE TASVEE TASVEE TASVEE!)

yup! As usual, we ordered our stuff, but realized that something was quite hilarious.

Imagine-
me : Uncle! We want plaster and tissue!

prataman : ello boy! This not guardian! you want plaster go 7-11 opposite buy!

me : -.-

(ok. This is Andrew's attempt at lameness, but isn't it slightly funny?)

oh, btw. Plaster refers to nomal rotiprata, with a soft, slightly fried egg on top. Something like inverted Prata Teloh. Tissue refers to prata that is extremely thin and crispy, with sweet milk or honey on top... Its usually quite huge.. xD

haha. I also realized something. Heard of this thing called Teh-cino? I think its rediculous. Its basically "tea that isn't stirred" (i.e. condensed milk at the bottom, tea floating at the top.).

Its more expensive then teh. more expensive then teh-bing (ice tea), more expensive then milo-bing (ice milo).

Tah dah! Its TEH CINO! (pronounced: tay-chee-no)

To get to the wonderful joyous experience of stirring your very own tea, and watching the condensed milk swirl around your tea, pay an additional 50 cents! No extra services!

hmm.

Rediculous isn't it.

but not as rediculous as the Khazakhstan national anthem by Borat:

*drum roll*
Khazakhstan greatest country in the world.
All other countries run by little girls.........

umm. haha.. just go uncyclopedia and check it out lah..... lol x)